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CD ROM Paradise Collection 4 1995 Nov.iso
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1994-12-14
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ESSAY 10
BECOME A VEGETABLE ACTIVIST
I have decided to become a vegetable activist. As far
as I have been able to determine, about every other cause
has been taken. I said to my friend Pat the other day: "Pat,"
I said, "We ought to start something off-the-wall. Only some-
thing off-the-wall will gain a following now-a-days." Pat
replied, "There's nothing left on the wall." I call my new
organization, SEED, Society for the Elimination of Egotisti-
cal Despots.
Who speaks up for the vegetables who cannot speak for
themselves? They have feelings, too, you know! The vege-
table abusers use euphemisms such as "farms." Farms are
nothing more than slaughterhouses. Then, the abusers have
the gall to place vegetable corpses in the "produce" section
of grocery stores. Or, they take fertilized eggs (seeds) and
make bread and cookies out of them. Shame!
Probably the worse abuse and hypocrisy occurs when
the reproductive phase of the vegetable kingdom is exploited
by the criminals who sell beautiful flowers. The reproductive
cycle of the poor vegetables is stopped cold--abortion under
the euphemism of "beauty." I understand that Presidents
Bill and Hillary Clinton are going to issue a presidential
proclamation making it legal to abort vegetables at any state
of development!
Seeds and sprouts have been declared "non-vegetables" by
the Supreme Court! Chinese food is predicted to gain in
popularity.
The democratic-socialists in Congress are rumored to
have a hidden agenda whereby new laws will make it legal for
genetic experimentation! What the Department of Agriculture
has done for years is now legal.
What can the concerned citizen do? Write your congress-
man, congresswoman or congress-shim and demand new laws pro-
tecting vegetables. Blockade the produce section of your
local grocery. Eat hamburgers without lettuce and tomato.
Vent your outrage by throwing away cans of vegetables--call
my organization and I will dispose of them properly, safely,
and with quiet dignity.
END